I believe this is what Ana has. Ever since she has been with us, she has not been able to adjust to our way of life. I think she cannot bond with us because no one ever bonded with her when she needed it - in her early years. She still lives in a state of defiance. As if to say, I am still here on my own to care for myself and do as I want. All chosen behavior that she is unaware is detrimental to her well-being.
I met with a lady who adopted an older girl from Russia at 8 or 9 who is now twenty one. Throughout her life with her adoptive family she never became one of them. In fact, she did everything possible to disrupt their lives. Ultimately running away at 14 to live on the streets with boyfriends who took advantage of her. There she contracted Herpes, became pregnant three times (giving two up for adoption) and became homeless. Unable to keep a steady job she lives on welfare. In fact, today she lives a very similar life to the life she would have lived if left in Russia. The mom told me that she had been diagnosed with R.A.D.
If anyone is out there considering adopting an older child from these eastern European countries. I caution you to do a lot of research. I would in fact counsel you against it! Especially if you have other kids in the home. These kids come with a lot of baggage that we are simply not prepare to deal with. No matter how much you love them, they don't know what love is, cannot love you back and will make your life very difficult.
I pray every day, for God's help and that He would miraculously change Ana. However, after all I have learned and experienced these past two years, I will not at all be surprised if she too ends up living a life here in America like the one she left behind in Ukraine.
PS: Don't write me to tell me I'm unkind and unloving. This is what I have experienced and I want people to be informed that there is another very ugly and real side to adopting older children.
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